ecappaccino's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 332 - to fall, fighting A one way ticket to Australia. Sitting on my mother's bed, staring at my reflection in her large mirror, I cried in a voice that didn't sound like my own. A chocking sound, like cleaving - somewhere between screaming in pain and desolation. I am wondering if I will run, choke, scream through life now - how it is without her, you, the path that lead me here. The past is so much a part of me - I curl into the blankets that I had burrowed in so many years before, as a child. I feel I must remember this moment. That after this, regret will enter into my life and stay in the dustiest corner, and there it will shed and irritate me every time I am sad; and a lack because I am going to leave someone I still love and I have never, and will never do it again. Never. There is something childlike about me today - afraid, infantile, fragile. Like death would be if we never touched again with the same familiarity. It is a momentary trick of the light, but one day when I am empty and alone, it may grow until I am blinded by what isn't there. This is also a kind of dizziness. I don't want to write any more. 2:21 pm - 02-09-06 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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